Purpose

We were not created for what is safe, or what is comfortable. Though it is often tempting to take that way, that is not where our greatest joy is to be found, because we are not living in the capacity we were created for. This thought has brought me great joy as I stand at the front end of this incredible journey that God has laid out before me. I am so excited to live in the capacity for which He created me and experience the life and joy that is to be found in doing so.

This thought also reminds me of something I heard at a conference once when I was in college. The theme was Revel, and we spent much of the weekend talking about what it means to revel, and what are we meant to revel in. The speaker said pretty early on in the weekend that as he has worked with college students for years, the thing he has noticed is that everyone he meets seems to be reveling in things far too small. You are reveling in things far too small. This reality has echoed in my head over and over again since that weekend, as I find myself tempted to settle for what I am doing and believing the lie that "there is nothing more I can do."

One story the speaker used was from Donald Miller's book, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years. It was about an average family, and in this family there was a girl who had always been a very good child growing up, and hadn't caused many problems. As she grew older, she began dating this boy whom her parents were very concerned about, and began being exposed to drugs and alcohol through her time with him. To no avail, they tried to stop this relationship. In the end, her father ended up taking a drastic step, putting money in to help build and open a school/orphanage in Africa. Once she was able to participate in this, she quickly left the boyfriend behind to get on board with this story. 

The point Miller is making here is that she was simply choosing the most easily available better story. She wasn't finding excitement or fulfillment in the mundane life she was living so she tried to make her's a better story by bringing this boy and the things that came along with into her story. But it wasn't her dream, it was simply the most easily available story that was better than the one she was living. 

We weren't made for the most easily available. We were made for bigger, for more extraordinary, for that which we cannot rely on ourselves, but only the One who has been writing our story from the beginning of time. And His is the best story. That's the one I want my life to be a part of.

Love Does

"Love Does" by Brandon Heath

This one goes out to the world changer
Shining your light in the face of danger
Oh, tell us what you know
You’re a saint, you’re a son, you’re a promise keeper
Bottom of the well, still digging down deeper
Oh, how far you gonna go

Chasing down hope
Moving on dreams
Taking that path
Maybe it’ll lead you home
Maybe it won’t

Nobody knows why your heart is broken
Nobody cries while your prayers are going up
But Love does
Nobody walks on the road you’re paving
Nobody sees all the souls you’re saving
Oh, but Love does
Love does
Love does

This song is such a great song, and was a great reminder to me today to not second guess when God places a calling on your life, a dream in your heart. Trust Him, lean on Him, and go out and do it. Because our God, who is Love, HE does. He is not passive, not sitting by watching the world fall apart, but He is out there, in every little thing. Love does. Our God does. And He uses us. Such a precious reminder. Thanks, Jesus.

I will not keep still, I cannot remain silent

This weekend a few quotes rocked my world:

The first being, "If not me, then who? If not now, then when?" - this was repeated over and over by the speaker and by recent college graduates who have committed this season right after graduating to serving the Lord and advancing His kingdom, and it has been ringing in my head since.

Another is "Don't waste your time doing what others can and will do when there is so much to be done that others cannot and will not do." - Dawson Trotman. Not the first time I've heard this, but this time it hit me in a new way. It's also been ringing in my head continually.

That started something in me. That is what God used to put my heart in the exact place it needed to be, for such a time as this.

Since going overseas in 2011, I have faithfully read the blog of a kindred heart who lives and works there for the Kingdom. Numerous times her writing has spoken to my heart, but this one changed my world. The first line she wrote, said "Do you want to be shaken, down through the deepest parts of your soul? If so, read this."

And just like that, one click of a link, one article read - my world was rocked. My heart was broken. My spirit stirred to the core. This is not okay. This cannot continue to happen.

I think this is the first time I've really experienced and understood the righteous way in which God can be angry, as it states in Exodus 22:21-24, in response to the mistreatment and oppression of foreigners, widows and children, He is angry.The way He's angry when we turn to lesser gods that cannot fulfill us. He's angry. But He's still holy, still a perfect God. He's angry and rightfully so. I get it now. It makes perfect sense to me because He has allowed me to share in that today.

Something must be done. Someone needs to step out and do what they can to stop this. These women are pushed into a corner. Their culture, this world, says that this is their best option. But I know it's not. Someone needs to do something.

If not me, then who? If not now, then when?

I don't know what comes next, but I do know I can't stay silent and live comfortably while injustice continues to rule this world. I trust God will lead me in whatever He's breaking my heart and stirring my soul with.

Because I love [this world],

    I will not keep still.

Because my heart yearns for [these people],

    I cannot remain silent.

I will not stop praying for her

    until her righteousness shines like the dawn,

    and her salvation blazes like a burning torch.

Isaiah 62:1

Lord, I need You

WARNING: This post, admittedly, may be more beneficial for me as I process through these things, than for you as you read this.... Feel free to drop out at any point here.

Lord, I Need You - Chris Tomlin

So, at this point I could insert some cheesy quote about how music speaks when you can't... blah, blah, blah. I'll spare you all that, and just be real... this song IS MY LIFE. Literally everything within the lyrics of this song sums up ALL the big lessons God has been teaching me over the past three years. As I finished reading this article by Tim Keller and meditated on what the meaning of rest is, and how I can find that in my life, I turned on this song, and began to sing along and remember what it is that I've seen God do in my life in the past few years.

Remembering what God has done is a great way to rest (I talked about truly resting, previously). So as I began to remember I was just in awe at what He has done and where He has brought me from, and I eagerly anticipate the coming years of my life, where I hope to have more opportunities to just revel in who my Father is.

Let's just break down the big lessons God's taught me as they are listed in this song:

1. "Bowing here I find my rest." - That's the most recent one God has been laying on my heart, although it's been one He's had to remind me of a few times over. He is my rest. He is my strength. I cannot do anything apart from Him.
2. Lord, I need You - The title of the song, and the main chorus. Probably one of the biggest lessons I had to learn the hard way... when I was a sophomore and came back from Jax, I was on a huge spiritual high, as I learned what it meant to really walk with God and I began to catch some of the vision that He has given me for my life at that point. I was so excited to jump right in to ministry - so excited I missed one key point... I can't do ministry without first being with God. Without relying on Him, I was bound for failure. I spent a whole year TRYING, and trying, and being frustrated at the lack of fruit that I was seeing come from all my labors. But that's where the irony lays... I was trying. I had not yet learned that it was not about my ability, but it is all about WHO my God is. Going to Jax this last summer as a team leader was another reminder and really solidified my understanding of this lesson: I can't do it. I need You, God.
3. "Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more; where grace is found is where You are." - I had a lot of sins that had a deep claim on me, and that greatly entangled me, so much that I believed that these sins defined me. Even the ones I had cut off, or He had pruned out, I still couldn't confess freely. Not to anyone, not to Him, and especially not to myself. I just tried to ignore many of these things, thinking that eventually they really could be forgotten. But, this last year, I have found SO MUCH freedom in freely confessing these sins to Him and to others. I have found grace in Him. Through His grace I have found a way to forgive myself.
4. "And where You are, Lord, I am free; Holiness is Christ in me." - Holiness was something I was really wrestling with last spring semester. What does it look like to live a holy life, set apart. A life that gives glory to God. Being in the world, but not of the world. Originally I began to place many new restrictions on myself (I won't listen to this, or watch that), and I learned some good things in this season, such as how to stand firm in my convictions, and not to compromise. I learned to not measure myself to the world's standards, but to Jesus. But overall, that led me into a place where I felt enslaved to these new restrictions I was placing upon myself. Then someone sent me this awesome sermon on Freedom in Christ. I wish I could remember more about this sermon, or could locate it, but I remember one key thing. There was a story the pastor shared about a woman that came into his office completely broken, weeping, and showed him these messages her husband had been exchanging with another woman, and she desperately said to the pastor something to the extent of, "Tell me you would never do something like this!!!" And the pastor let that statement ring out. Then after a moment he said. "I can't say that. I can't say that I wouldn't do that. I'm not above that. I could easily give into my sinful nature and get caught up in something like that." That statement that the pastor made gave me so much freedom to stop trying to put restrictions on myself to keep myself from sin, but just admitting that my nature is sinful, and that Christ is the only way I can keep from being entangled in sin. Not any rules. Holiness is Christ in me - because of that truth, I am free!
5. "When I cannot stand, I'll fall on You. Jesus, You're my hope and stay." - This one doesn't require nearly as much explanation. As I've wrestled through learning these truths again and again, I've grown weary. I've failed. Again and again. But I simply fall on Him. He's my hope and my stay. He gives me the grounds for feeling that what I anticipate (ultimately, eternal life with Him) will be one day, and He is my endurance to stand firm until that Day.

That really sums up the biggest lessons that God has taught me over the past three years. I am really enjoying this season of reflection the Lord has me in as I begin to look forward to what He may have for me in my future. I pray that I continue to find these new (or old) truths again and again and that I will simply accept the fact that I need Him.

The Truth about Rest...

Anyone who is not disciplined in 'Sabbath' is a slave, even if this is self-imposed. Your own heart, or our materialistic culture, or an exploitative company, or all of the above--will be using you and abusing you if you don't have the ability to be disciplined in your practice of Sabbath. Sabbath is therefore a declaration of freedom. - Tim Keller

I can't post this on enough social media outlets to express how hard this truth hit me...

I declare tonight my Sabbath, goodnight technology.

Read more about Sabbath by Tim Keller here.

Will it ever stop?

That's what I find myself asking these days. I think that I'm beginning to learn that this is a question that I'll probably be asking myself for the rest of my life. My circumstances may change, but I think this question will be one I'll never quit asking. But I wish that wasn't always true.

I am feeling the need to find rest in this season. There is so much happening, so many changes, so many decisions to be made. So much. Of everything. Well , as I was thinking about this desire I have for rest, I thought - why do I feel like I've been here before?

Turns out, this must really be something that God wants me to learn, because He's tried teaching me once (or twice or a million) times before. But, as awesome of a provider as my Father is, He ordained this week, the week I really needed it, to be the week that the topic at Nav Night was (drumroll, please...) "How to Find Rest and Restoration in God's Word." Well, I'd say in just that title God was already pointing me to where He wants me to be in this season. But that was only the beginning... obviously.

Our speaker, Laura Karlin, is a really awesome woman who loves the Lord wholeheartedly, and is one of those people that after being around her for about 2 minutes you've already decided that you could be best friends. So needless to say with this topic, and this speaker, I knew that it was going to hit home with some solid, much needed, truth.

We first looked at Psalm 19:7-11, which lays out some of the things that God's word is, and what that means for us. She focuses in on the beginning of verse 7, "The Law of the Lord is perfect, reviving the soul." As any wise person would do, she broke out the amplified version (you can never go wrong with that move), which instead of reviving says, "restoring the [whole] person."

Restoring - what does that mean - shoot, this could be a whole different blog post in itself I'm sure. But I just want to give you the definition I looked up (on dictionary.com, let's be real): to bring back into existence, to reestablish, to bring back to a state of health. Yeah.... I want that.

Laura talked about the two main things that God's word helps us find rest from: Our work and Anxiety/Fear.

Work, she defined as anything including homework, hours at work, or even the activities we fill our time with. This work is good. God ordained for us to work... He gave us a mission in the garden - to rule over the earth and subdue it. We need to do something to keep our hands busy - to give us a purpose in our day to day lives. Work is good. God gave it to us, but He also gave us rest (He even told us to rest in the harvest time - the busy seasons..) I feel like my life right now is in one of those busy seasons, which means I need rest all the more - that explains this yearning I have for rest right now.

Then she broke out this truth I wrote down (I think) verbatim in my notes, "The more you work, the harder it is to see that it's not you doing the work, but God's hand in my life that leads to prospering." WOAH. Let's hear that again... "My efforts are not the key to my success. God alone decides if what I do will prosper." Shoot. I know I need to remember my inability and focus on His complete ability, as He warned us to do.

So, in summary, I think I'm really only beginning to learn how to find rest. I know the where, He's taught me a few times. But I am in the harvest season, the busy season of my year, and I need to make the conscious decision to stop and be with my God to truly find rest and restoration.

Will you do that with me? Stop. Be with Him. Get in His word. Find rest.

Words can hardly express...

How very much God did this summer. My intention was to blog consistently throughout, but those of you who have been to an STP know that was just wishful thinking! So, because I right now have no words, here are some pictures. At Jax STP 2012, there were:

 Wonderful people to be met...

Funny memories to be made... 

Bible Studies (and good times) to be had...

Times with old friends... 

Times with new friends...

 Places to go...

 Fun to be had....

Sunrises to see...

and new depths of my relationship with Jesus to be experienced.

(And this is just the highlight reel...)