Lord, I need You

WARNING: This post, admittedly, may be more beneficial for me as I process through these things, than for you as you read this.... Feel free to drop out at any point here.

Lord, I Need You - Chris Tomlin

So, at this point I could insert some cheesy quote about how music speaks when you can't... blah, blah, blah. I'll spare you all that, and just be real... this song IS MY LIFE. Literally everything within the lyrics of this song sums up ALL the big lessons God has been teaching me over the past three years. As I finished reading this article by Tim Keller and meditated on what the meaning of rest is, and how I can find that in my life, I turned on this song, and began to sing along and remember what it is that I've seen God do in my life in the past few years.

Remembering what God has done is a great way to rest (I talked about truly resting, previously). So as I began to remember I was just in awe at what He has done and where He has brought me from, and I eagerly anticipate the coming years of my life, where I hope to have more opportunities to just revel in who my Father is.

Let's just break down the big lessons God's taught me as they are listed in this song:

1. "Bowing here I find my rest." - That's the most recent one God has been laying on my heart, although it's been one He's had to remind me of a few times over. He is my rest. He is my strength. I cannot do anything apart from Him.
2. Lord, I need You - The title of the song, and the main chorus. Probably one of the biggest lessons I had to learn the hard way... when I was a sophomore and came back from Jax, I was on a huge spiritual high, as I learned what it meant to really walk with God and I began to catch some of the vision that He has given me for my life at that point. I was so excited to jump right in to ministry - so excited I missed one key point... I can't do ministry without first being with God. Without relying on Him, I was bound for failure. I spent a whole year TRYING, and trying, and being frustrated at the lack of fruit that I was seeing come from all my labors. But that's where the irony lays... I was trying. I had not yet learned that it was not about my ability, but it is all about WHO my God is. Going to Jax this last summer as a team leader was another reminder and really solidified my understanding of this lesson: I can't do it. I need You, God.
3. "Where sin runs deep, Your grace is more; where grace is found is where You are." - I had a lot of sins that had a deep claim on me, and that greatly entangled me, so much that I believed that these sins defined me. Even the ones I had cut off, or He had pruned out, I still couldn't confess freely. Not to anyone, not to Him, and especially not to myself. I just tried to ignore many of these things, thinking that eventually they really could be forgotten. But, this last year, I have found SO MUCH freedom in freely confessing these sins to Him and to others. I have found grace in Him. Through His grace I have found a way to forgive myself.
4. "And where You are, Lord, I am free; Holiness is Christ in me." - Holiness was something I was really wrestling with last spring semester. What does it look like to live a holy life, set apart. A life that gives glory to God. Being in the world, but not of the world. Originally I began to place many new restrictions on myself (I won't listen to this, or watch that), and I learned some good things in this season, such as how to stand firm in my convictions, and not to compromise. I learned to not measure myself to the world's standards, but to Jesus. But overall, that led me into a place where I felt enslaved to these new restrictions I was placing upon myself. Then someone sent me this awesome sermon on Freedom in Christ. I wish I could remember more about this sermon, or could locate it, but I remember one key thing. There was a story the pastor shared about a woman that came into his office completely broken, weeping, and showed him these messages her husband had been exchanging with another woman, and she desperately said to the pastor something to the extent of, "Tell me you would never do something like this!!!" And the pastor let that statement ring out. Then after a moment he said. "I can't say that. I can't say that I wouldn't do that. I'm not above that. I could easily give into my sinful nature and get caught up in something like that." That statement that the pastor made gave me so much freedom to stop trying to put restrictions on myself to keep myself from sin, but just admitting that my nature is sinful, and that Christ is the only way I can keep from being entangled in sin. Not any rules. Holiness is Christ in me - because of that truth, I am free!
5. "When I cannot stand, I'll fall on You. Jesus, You're my hope and stay." - This one doesn't require nearly as much explanation. As I've wrestled through learning these truths again and again, I've grown weary. I've failed. Again and again. But I simply fall on Him. He's my hope and my stay. He gives me the grounds for feeling that what I anticipate (ultimately, eternal life with Him) will be one day, and He is my endurance to stand firm until that Day.

That really sums up the biggest lessons that God has taught me over the past three years. I am really enjoying this season of reflection the Lord has me in as I begin to look forward to what He may have for me in my future. I pray that I continue to find these new (or old) truths again and again and that I will simply accept the fact that I need Him.