His MIGHTY work...

As I mentioned in the last post, I came into the fall semester completely discontent with where God had me. I spent A LOT of time in the mindset that I could be doing more for God if only I were back overseas. I came into the year with a really negative attitude. I was completely discouraged, because the only girl who I had met with to help grow spiritually the year before had dropped the sorority, and didn't respond to any attempts I made to contact her. (At the time I was really hung up on that, I now see that was the fruit of my self-reliance in my attempts to minister to her, and I pray that God will use the time we did get together, although I went about it all wrong)


I also mentioned how over the summer I had seen the incredible love that God has for His children. These were children whose parents had left them for whatever reason, and many were VERY sick,  but God said they did matter and would find life ONLY through Him. It's only by His strength that these miracle children could be brought from complete brokenness and move onto a full and healthy life. It took WELL into the fall semester before God opened my eyes to see that the love that He had for those who He had to go to great lengths to restore, was the same exact love that He had for me and for each and every person I came into contact with.


I was able to see His love at work in that semester, as He brought me to a very low place, where I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and mild depression, and back to a place of restoration. I was feeling really discouraged and SUPER discontent in everything, so that made for a REALLY hard semester, and the enemy began using my circumstance so much.. I began to believe so many lies, about who I am and what that means for my relationship with God. That led to me personally just being in a really dark place. I was diagnosed with severe anxiety and mild depression in October, just before Main event (a large conference put on by the Navigators in the heartland region held in KC for the last few years). My depression and anxiety were rooted in the discontentment that I lived with daily, which made me feel hopeless and just indifferent to everything that was happening around me. As I began to realize that this way I was feeling was not only affecting my quality of life, but was beginning to negatively affect my friendships and other relationships was when I realize that the way I was going through life wasn't going to cut it.


I wrote this late in that semester, which paints a good picture of what God did in my heart at Main Event:

Main Event could not have come at a more perfect time in my life. God really had my heart in the right place, just so open to teaching and hearing His voice as I went to Main Event because of my anxiety and depression. He really met me there and spoke straight to my heart in a million ways. Matt Letourneau spoke - and I don't know if you've ever heard him speak, but he was phenomenal, to say the least. I literally got SO much out of the weekend, I felt like I had gone to Jax, not Main Event!

It was at Main Event, when I went to Caleb Call's workshop on partnering in God's global mission that God really spoke directly to my heart one of the things I needed to hear the most. Caleb said something about how, after coming back from his first short term trip, he missed out on so many opportunities to learn and grow in discipleship and just go deeper in relationships with those around him, because he was so focused on wanting to be somewhere else. Then he said, take a look at what you're doing now - if you're not making disciples where you are, you are fooling yourself if you think you could be doing that in another country. I was like - WOW. That's just what I needed to hear - a solid smack in the face from God. 

So, that, combined with many things that Matt talked about throughout the weekend really just hit me hard - and as I processed through all that with people around me, I began to grow deeper and deeper back in Christ. I began to sort through a lot of the identity issues that had been brought about through my anxiety and depression. As I meditated on the things Caleb had said, I realized that my depression was really rooted in my discontentment - I wasn't happy with where I was, so I was angry and bitter and missing out on so many opportunities that God was providing again and again, which made me feel useless. So, as I addressed that and brought that to God, He restored me from that and began opening my eyes and allowing me to apply a lot of the main things I learned in Asia to life in the US, not just to my time in Asia, so that helped heal the gap that was in my mind between two seasons God had me in, there and here.

God really grabbed my attention this year at Main Event, and turned me back to focus on Him, which is exactly what I needed. I learned and grew in what true fellowship looks like, trusting Him with everything, and being where God has me now, not dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.


One scripture that I prayed would be true of my life in August, at the beginning of this hard time, is Jeremiah 33:6-9.

⁶ ‘Nevertheless, I will bring health and healing to it; I will heal my people and will let them enjoy abundant peace and security. ⁷ I will bring Judah and Israel back from captivity and will rebuild them as they were before. ⁸ I will cleanse them from all the sin they have committed against me and will forgive all their sins of rebellion against me. ⁹ Then this city will bring me renown, joy, praise and honor before all nations on earth that hear of all the good things I do for it; and they will be in awe and will tremble at the abundant prosperity and peace I provide for it.’

I had found this passage and read it before going overseas, and meditated on it slightly. Stumbled upon it again in August, praying that it would be something that I could see in my own life - and He has more than answered that prayer. One time someone told me to claim promises for God's people in the Bible as if they were for me, and that's what I did with this - I would replace Judah, Israel, this city, etc. with my name, and that was very powerful as I prayed it to be true. And I can say with full assurance that this is true: my God will use my story, and my life to bring HIM glory, honor and praise where I am today, and all throughout the earth, whatever His plans are for me.