A (not so) short story...

I grew up in a church going home, but that is really all it was for me. I went to church, and did all the things I thought were "right", simply because I wanted to be seen as a good person. For a  good part of my life, I simply did all I did to please people or to give them a good impression, at the least. In that mindset, through high school I really found my identity and self-worth in relationships. I really found my value and worth in my relationships with boys. I spent all my time and energy up to when I came to college on just that. 

The summer after my senior year of high school, I had the opportunity to go to church camp and to go on a mission trip with my youth group to New Orleans. Through both of those opportunities I got the chance to meet college students, just a few years older than myself, who were passionate about God. I heard them talk about knowing God in a way that I didn’t even know was possible. I was intrigued, and wanted to know God how they did. They all had talked about reading their Bibles, so I decided I was going to start reading mine. I had never really read the Bible for myself, even though I went to church my whole life. 

That fall, I moved into my dorm for my freshman year of college in that place of aimlessly reading my Bible. Moving onto a college campus, I knew that I wanted to join a ministry, but my heart in that was really more to find friends than to know God more. I also went through sorority recruitment at that time. So, going through recruitment and getting connected with the Navigators around the same time, I met this girl named Kathleen, who I became really good friends with. She talked about God the same way I had heard those students that summer talk about Him. We began meeting together each week and she showed me how to have a quiet time, which gave me more of a purpose to reading my Bible than just blindly opening it and reading where I landed. Through meeting with Kathleen, Joshua team (essentially a group that comes together and grows deeper in their personal relationships with God while learning to reach out to others), and other relationships I built through my freshman year, God drew me closer to Him than I even knew was possible. 

Through all of that, He brought me to a place where He showed me my life before, and how I had sought fulfillment in my relationships throughout high school and He brought me to the point where I knew He was asking me if I was willing to give Him everything and invest in my relationship with Him, or continue to pour myself into these relationships that were leaving me empty. At that point, I told Him that I wanted Him to have everything and I was going to follow Him, even if it cost me.

The summer after my freshman year I attended a Summer Training Program with the Navigators in Jacksonville, Florida. Remember when I said that I told God no about some things? Well, this was one of those things, but He changed my heart, and changed my parents' hearts from an initial no to giving me the green light. That summer was foundational for me in my walk with God. I learned so much about Him and about myself, and He blessed me with some wonderful friendships that have sharpened me and encouraged me in the time since. I am so thankful for that opportunity and that environment that fostered the growth I so desperately needed to sink down my roots in my relationship with Christ. I could easily (and might just) write a whole blog specifically about what God did in my life that summer.

The following year was a trying one for me spiritually. I was seriously pumped up from everything I learned and Jax, and really dying to see how God was going to use me, but I was also terrified. That year was hard. I learned a lot, but mostly what I learned was looking back in hindsight, not in the moment, which was frustrating at the time. I learned the cost of relying on my own strength in every aspect of ministry. I saw the toll that took on me, and although at the time it was hard, I am grateful I had that experience and I now know that I don't have to be in that place of self-reliance.

The summer after that (2011), once again God proved that He knows best, when He led me to East Asia (another thing I had originally told Him no about.) In my time overseas, I was able to see His love for His children in a new way. I spent about  a month volunteering at an incredible place, working with orphans with special needs, teaching English, and just building relationships with students around my age. I loved my time there SO much more than I could express in one simple paragraph (this trip will probably get multiple blogs dedicated to it in the future.) So much that I did not want to come back, at all. In fact, I intentionally threw away the departure slip that said "Disposal or loss of this stub could result in your delayed departure from the country" hoping that it would do just that, and I could stay a little longer.

Coming back from that trip was the hardest thing I've ever done. I was very discontent, and to put it simply, I wanted nothing to do with being here in the States. All I wanted was to get on a plane and go right on back to the kids who had stolen my heart, to the work God is still doing there. That's the heart attitude I came into the fall 2011 semester with.

To be continued....